I just finished watching Little Children. This was one of those movies that was on my queue that by the time it shows up in my mailbox I can't remember why I ever put it on my queue. But, the husband was in Dallas playing Starcraft with the boys, so what else to do but watch it.
And here I am, turning the laptop back on at 10:45 pm to blog about it. It was amazing.
It seemed a timely film. All about not fitting into the suburban SAHM life. About feeling frustrated with your lack of options. About feeling like you've sacrificed so very much to spend time with a demanding child who really only cares about you insofar as you remembered to bring her a snack. About questioning the decision to ever do this in the first place.
And then there was the scene where Sarah had been gone overnight and she came home and her daughter had made a picture frame for her, but Sarah was too busy doing her own thing to even take the time to notice the gift. And my heart just broke.
Our children are gifts that annoy the hell out of us, but also bring the brightest rays of sunshine and the most beautiful moments. I have wondered (too often) if my child was genetically modified to be just the level of annoying that drives me to want to hurt something. And yet, while I'm grumbling at my computer for not doing what I thought it should do, she appears and comforts me. Gives me a kiss and tells me it will be alright. Asks me if I feel better now.
And, I really DO feel better. There is something so incredibly sweet about receiving love from a tiny tot, who can't really understand the source of the frustration, but who can understand a grumpy face and being sad, and that a kiss can make it all better.
In one of the final scenes of Little Children, Sarah collapses, weeping, into her daughter Lucy's lap. And Lucy touches her mommy's hair and says, "It's ok". This is why we are blessed with children - to remind us of the power of unconditional love. That kind of love, regardless of how imperfect and flawed I've been makes everything EVERYTHING worthwhile.
And I'll try to be better tomorrow...